Something that I feel is serious but never really talked about is our value in relationships. “Am I enough?” is something I find myself asking on multiple occasions. I’m not sure if it’s a jealousy thing, I feel that it deals more with self-esteem. It comes off as such a simple question, but it really isn’t. We drive ourselves crazy trying to figure out what we could do to make our significant others or maybe just certain someones, want us a little more, talk to us a little more, love us a little more. Even after hitting back flips to please the other person, at what point do we know that we’re enough?
I’m not the wisest owl in the bunch but I feel that before we can be enough for anyone else, we need to be enough for ourselves. What I mean by that is that I cannot expect anyone to value every piece of me and what I have to offer, if I don’t know what I have and what I’m capable of giving. How we feel about ourselves will show in our relationships tremendously, and when we go these extra lengths to please our others we’re only trying to please ourselves.
Secondly, I truly believe that if we go into a relationship lost, we take on the role that our lovers want us to play. Meaning we lose any ability to stand on our own. We lose individuality. When you don’t know who you are, you try to become who someone else wants you to be. Trust me, when they see you aren’t grounded, they take that and run with it. And of course, you say “I’ll never change for anybody” but you will. Because you don’t know any other way to be.
Don’t get me wrong though guys, I understand there are different thoughts and situations for different people. From recent experience, in ANY relationship I just believe that self confidence, self assurance, self LOVE, SELF ANYTHING is necessary in order to know when you are enough. In order to know what you stand for. In order to know what you will and won’t take. It is necessary. Someone may want you to go above and beyond, changing yourself to meet their standards and if you are not grounded then the bad comes in. Doubts, tears and empty feelings that won’t go away. You have to be true to yourself. At least that’s how I feel…
Again this is all opinion. This isn’t a rule book and it doesn’t bother me if nobody agrees. But for me, I’m at this place of trying to figure out what I am, who I am, what I’m worth etc. I have found that I am not my best with anyone right now. Family, friends, anyone. And that’s okay. This is truly a process that I believe is essential because it is so easy for us to grow up and become lost. Some of us remain lost for years and we never figure it out. Liking ourselves, loving ourselves benefits us, our relationships, and our livelihoods in so many ways. No relationship that I try to pursue right now will succeed. And not because he isn’t great, or I’m not great but because I don’t know who I am.
And I can’t allow anybody to love a stranger…